The big 100! (No, seriously this time).
Okay, I've been meaning to update this diary for almost a year now, but never got around to doing so. As it turns out, this would be the ACTUAl 100th post, as opposed to the last one. Anywho, a little update of my life is in order.
First of all, I got into Dalhousie University for a masters program in Pathology. I also managed to get funded with the CRTP traineeship. Ironically, I almost failed out during the first semester, due to my beyond dismal marks (they kick you out if you get under 70% in any course). Luckily however, I managed to pass both courses BY A HAIR!
During the semester, I had an opportunity to witness an autopsy. Seeing a dead body disturbed me a lot more than I thought it would. One moment, the person is alive, and the next, they are gone. A whole slew of existential problems regarding what is life occupied my mind for a good deal of my time (and it still does). I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Death scares me. It is not the prospect of eternal damnation that scares me. It is the prospect that when we die, everything ends that scares me more. If a supreme being came to me and told me I'd go to hell after I die, and there's nothing I can do about it, I would actually be extremely relieved.
Getting back to the part when failing out was actually a serious threat. At that time, I actually recalled that earlier that year, I've thought about how an interesting life would be desirable. Being in a position to have recieved funding, and almost failing out, was indeed interesting. Not to mention that in the history of Dalhousie University, there had only been one other case where the grad student
failed out. And I doubt that person tried their hardest. In my case, I've put in as much effort as I could have possibly put, and still did miserably. I was making history. And in that aspect, life was fun.
Sometime in the semester, I had to receive radiation safety training. We were dissembled into groups of 2 or 3, where we had to clean up radioactive spill. One of the people I teamed up with was SCARY! He would squirt water on the radioactive area very roughly, which splashed the radioactive material all over the place. He would then wipe it even more roughly, spreading the contamination. At one time, his lab coat was actually soaking up the radioactive spill. Working with him was very tiring for my nerves. For the first time in my life, I was trembling in fear. When the safety training was over, I had to get my collegue to load my gel for me because my hands were too unsteady from the shakes.
I've thought about a few philosophical questions as well. Firstly, I thought that the fear of death is actually a good thing. To fear death means you love life. And loving life is quite virtuous.
In regards to the idea that death means the end, it would mean quantity of life is more important than quality of life. That is because it is only when you are alive, you can experience things. And to experience things, regardless of how painful or uncomfortable something is, is better than not experiencing anything.
Life is meaningless. But it is precisely because it is meaningless, that we are completely and utterly free to do as we want.
Oh, in regards to the new years resolution of 2006, I would have to say, all except one was achieved. I got a job last year, got into grad school, and kept breathing. I never actually finished my original fiction, and I'm seriously considering abandoning it. Although I love the character Tisiphone a lot, I might use her for future stories.
Okay, back to philosophical ramblings. It is not an uncommon belief that people of the echo-boomers have a sense of entitlement. Living in a democratic society, I think most people feel power belongs to the people. However, I don't think people realize that a capitalistic society is actually quite close to a despotic society. The people that are your boss control your life. You don't really have any entitlement whatsoever. It is not too unlike slavery. We are really not entitled to anything at all. But that's really not that bad. They are paying for your livelihood, so they deserve your best efforts. I could organize my thoughts and wording better in this field, but I'm too lazy at the moment to do so.
Oh, and I had a random urge to want to be a parent of a pregnant teenage daughter or a teenage son who knocked someone up. It then progressed into me wondering why people get really upset at their teenage kids when said incidence happens. This was all before I saw the movie Juno. I'm too lazy to reword the whole train of thought, so I'll just copy and paste a philosophical message I sent to Belinda:
"Anywho, there's basically 2 major ideas that brought upon this question. The first is I believe what makes life worth living is the experience it gives us. To live is better than to die. To live means to experience, and to die means to not experience. I believe no matter how uncomfortable an experience is, it is still worth experiencing, because to experience means to live. Having to deal with a pregnant teen offspring is a very unique experience that aren't experienced by a vast majority of people. That is one reason why I think said situation, although could be uncomfortable, is desirable. A second reason why I think having to deal with a pregnant teen is desirable is because I think it might be fun. It would be an interesting and unique situation to be in, to have the benefit of interacting with my grandchildren for many decades. (Although I think I'm the only one on this planet that might think this way). Teenage pregnancy of my kid would also most likely allow me to see my great grandchildren. It would be incredible to live and witnes first hand the life of many generations and how they interact.
So this brings me to the second reason. Science people are taught that everything in life is a combination of genetic and environmental factors. That is to say, behaviour is this way too. However, if our behaviours are only dictated by our genetic disposition and how we were brought up and influenced by everything around us, then what is us? We would be no different than a robot, or a piece of rock on the ground. I am uncomfortable with that, and I believe there is something more. Call it our soul, our essance, our ego, our anima, or whatever. If I was a parent, I would be confident that I had brought up my kid well enough to know better. I am also confident that my genetic disposition wouldn't dictate my kid to do that, and I'm pretty sure the girl in which I marry would be the same. Thus, taking out environmental factors and genetic factors, if my kid still do something that silly, it would prove that there is something more that makes us who we are. And that would make me happy.
The desire to want to deal with my kid being pregnant, or impregnating someone, is how the question of why parents would get upset with said situation. Personally, if I had to deal with the situation, I would first say in a matter-of-fact way, "you've been a very bad boy/girl." Then, I would point my finger at him/her, and laugh uncontrollably, saying "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You are SOOOOOOO screwed!!" (But of course, still offer my aid as best I can). I wonder how many people on earth actually have a desire to deal with said situation."
During that period, I've asked several friends in regards to this topic. The reasons why parents are angry may be caused by shock, increase in financial stress, anger at child's irresponsibility, and anger at self for not raising child properly.
Well, that's a rather big post I think.
First of all, I got into Dalhousie University for a masters program in Pathology. I also managed to get funded with the CRTP traineeship. Ironically, I almost failed out during the first semester, due to my beyond dismal marks (they kick you out if you get under 70% in any course). Luckily however, I managed to pass both courses BY A HAIR!
During the semester, I had an opportunity to witness an autopsy. Seeing a dead body disturbed me a lot more than I thought it would. One moment, the person is alive, and the next, they are gone. A whole slew of existential problems regarding what is life occupied my mind for a good deal of my time (and it still does). I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Death scares me. It is not the prospect of eternal damnation that scares me. It is the prospect that when we die, everything ends that scares me more. If a supreme being came to me and told me I'd go to hell after I die, and there's nothing I can do about it, I would actually be extremely relieved.
Getting back to the part when failing out was actually a serious threat. At that time, I actually recalled that earlier that year, I've thought about how an interesting life would be desirable. Being in a position to have recieved funding, and almost failing out, was indeed interesting. Not to mention that in the history of Dalhousie University, there had only been one other case where the grad student
failed out. And I doubt that person tried their hardest. In my case, I've put in as much effort as I could have possibly put, and still did miserably. I was making history. And in that aspect, life was fun.
Sometime in the semester, I had to receive radiation safety training. We were dissembled into groups of 2 or 3, where we had to clean up radioactive spill. One of the people I teamed up with was SCARY! He would squirt water on the radioactive area very roughly, which splashed the radioactive material all over the place. He would then wipe it even more roughly, spreading the contamination. At one time, his lab coat was actually soaking up the radioactive spill. Working with him was very tiring for my nerves. For the first time in my life, I was trembling in fear. When the safety training was over, I had to get my collegue to load my gel for me because my hands were too unsteady from the shakes.
I've thought about a few philosophical questions as well. Firstly, I thought that the fear of death is actually a good thing. To fear death means you love life. And loving life is quite virtuous.
In regards to the idea that death means the end, it would mean quantity of life is more important than quality of life. That is because it is only when you are alive, you can experience things. And to experience things, regardless of how painful or uncomfortable something is, is better than not experiencing anything.
Life is meaningless. But it is precisely because it is meaningless, that we are completely and utterly free to do as we want.
Oh, in regards to the new years resolution of 2006, I would have to say, all except one was achieved. I got a job last year, got into grad school, and kept breathing. I never actually finished my original fiction, and I'm seriously considering abandoning it. Although I love the character Tisiphone a lot, I might use her for future stories.
Okay, back to philosophical ramblings. It is not an uncommon belief that people of the echo-boomers have a sense of entitlement. Living in a democratic society, I think most people feel power belongs to the people. However, I don't think people realize that a capitalistic society is actually quite close to a despotic society. The people that are your boss control your life. You don't really have any entitlement whatsoever. It is not too unlike slavery. We are really not entitled to anything at all. But that's really not that bad. They are paying for your livelihood, so they deserve your best efforts. I could organize my thoughts and wording better in this field, but I'm too lazy at the moment to do so.
Oh, and I had a random urge to want to be a parent of a pregnant teenage daughter or a teenage son who knocked someone up. It then progressed into me wondering why people get really upset at their teenage kids when said incidence happens. This was all before I saw the movie Juno. I'm too lazy to reword the whole train of thought, so I'll just copy and paste a philosophical message I sent to Belinda:
"Anywho, there's basically 2 major ideas that brought upon this question. The first is I believe what makes life worth living is the experience it gives us. To live is better than to die. To live means to experience, and to die means to not experience. I believe no matter how uncomfortable an experience is, it is still worth experiencing, because to experience means to live. Having to deal with a pregnant teen offspring is a very unique experience that aren't experienced by a vast majority of people. That is one reason why I think said situation, although could be uncomfortable, is desirable. A second reason why I think having to deal with a pregnant teen is desirable is because I think it might be fun. It would be an interesting and unique situation to be in, to have the benefit of interacting with my grandchildren for many decades. (Although I think I'm the only one on this planet that might think this way). Teenage pregnancy of my kid would also most likely allow me to see my great grandchildren. It would be incredible to live and witnes first hand the life of many generations and how they interact.
So this brings me to the second reason. Science people are taught that everything in life is a combination of genetic and environmental factors. That is to say, behaviour is this way too. However, if our behaviours are only dictated by our genetic disposition and how we were brought up and influenced by everything around us, then what is us? We would be no different than a robot, or a piece of rock on the ground. I am uncomfortable with that, and I believe there is something more. Call it our soul, our essance, our ego, our anima, or whatever. If I was a parent, I would be confident that I had brought up my kid well enough to know better. I am also confident that my genetic disposition wouldn't dictate my kid to do that, and I'm pretty sure the girl in which I marry would be the same. Thus, taking out environmental factors and genetic factors, if my kid still do something that silly, it would prove that there is something more that makes us who we are. And that would make me happy.
The desire to want to deal with my kid being pregnant, or impregnating someone, is how the question of why parents would get upset with said situation. Personally, if I had to deal with the situation, I would first say in a matter-of-fact way, "you've been a very bad boy/girl." Then, I would point my finger at him/her, and laugh uncontrollably, saying "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You are SOOOOOOO screwed!!" (But of course, still offer my aid as best I can). I wonder how many people on earth actually have a desire to deal with said situation."
During that period, I've asked several friends in regards to this topic. The reasons why parents are angry may be caused by shock, increase in financial stress, anger at child's irresponsibility, and anger at self for not raising child properly.
Well, that's a rather big post I think.
posted by Psychopathic Puffin at 7:49 PM
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